Please be selfish with your heart, body, and mind.

After coming out of a long-term relationship or any type of relationship for that matter I think every girl copes in a different way. Some live by the saying “in order to get over someone you must get under another” rebounding hard in the process, and others may boycott any and everything that has a penis until the female body can physically no longer hold out and we cave. Now i hold no judgements towards anyone and think each path is a valid choice. For me, Mom please forgive me, i opted for option number 1. I have always been the type that needs a physical distraction in order to get over something mentally painful. When i was younger and boys weren’t an issue ( those were the good ole days) it was hobbies and sports like softball and running and the piano. Now that i’m much older and unfortunately cannot escape from the opposite sex, my coping mechanisms are a bit different, but then again so are my problems. When i got out of my first serious long term relationship i wasn’t necessarily sure how i felt. Of course i was hurting, he had cheated on me and i think that type of betrayal and pain would crush anyone to the point of not being able to trust anyone ever again. But after three years of being committed and looking back on it now i think part of me felt ready to move on and see what else was out there. When someone breaks your trust though no matter how deep in love or out of love you are with that person it hits you hard and doesn’t give much of a fighting chance for the rest of the men out there waiting to win your heart. I personally, opting for option 1, quickly found myself spending my friday and saturday nights with a long term friend. We had decided to go the whole FWB route, at first this sounded like the perfect idea, no commitment, just sex and good company. But clearly im an idiot. Ladies please spare your heart as much damage and breakage as possible. Please. Your heart, your mind, and your body are all we have and three of the only things we have full and complete control over. I urge you never to put any of these three things in the hands of someone who doesn’t have the purest and best intentions for them. This is where i made my first mistake. In relationships like the one i had so idiotically set up for myself, i had fallen first. Hard. And someone always does. But i fell hard and didn’t even realize it was happening. It was only until i caught myself staring at my phone every morning wishing we had the type of relationship where he would greet me with a goodmorning text, and use heart emojis to say goodnight that i realized i was doomed. I started wishing so badly we had something i could brag about to other people because for me thats all i wanted to do. I so quickly fell for this man and surrendered every good and decent part of myself to him. I gave him what was left of my already damaged and broken heart and gave him my body for whatever he wanted. For some reason, even after being in what i thought was love with the same person for three years, i had never felt this feeling. I had never felt so weak and vulnerable. Friends with benefits my ass. Its a trap. And almost always the girl is on the losing end. In my attempt to shake off and repair what damage my previous boyfriend had done to me i had ultimately just ended up causing more irreparable damage to whatever was left of me. And it sucked because this time i played a part in the whole thing. Going back to what i said previously, never ever sacrifice your own needs to fit that of another persons. It is okay to be selfish when it comes to your heart, mind, and body. Be overly selfish. Moral of the story, temporary thrills and what you think is just fun and games may honestly just end up causing more pain and hurt than when you started off. Be overly cautious with who you spend your time with. People can suck. And not everyone will have as good a heart as you. Remember that, live by it, and hopefully it will make falling in love a little easier.

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